Have you ever felt like you’re rushing through life—trying to be the best, win awards, get noticed, or make everyone happy? Maybe you work super hard at school or in your job, always chasing the next big thing. But sometimes, even when we’re doing well, we still feel worried, tired, or like it’s never enough. It is like having a bottomless pit that never feels satisfied, no matter how much we achieve.
It’s like we’re on a bus that’s going fast, but we don’t really know who’s driving it. The driver may be inexperienced, and a little human being who is working hard to meet the expectations and standards of adults around.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy has a helpful way of looking at this. It says that inside each of us, there are many parts. These parts are like little voices or characters in our minds. Each one has a job. Some want us to succeed, some want us to be liked, some want to keep us safe, and others just want to rest or have fun.
Imagine a part of you that always wants to achieve big things. It works hard and never wants to fail. But what if that part works so hard because it’s actually scared? Maybe it’s afraid that if you do fail, people won’t like you anymore—or worse, that you’ll feel worthless.
Or think about the part of you that loves being praised or getting lots of attention. It might seem confident on the outside, but deep down, it might be trying to protect you from feeling rejected or invisible.
These parts aren’t bad. In fact, they’re doing the best they can to help you. They started doing their jobs a long time ago—maybe when you were just a child. Back then, you might have learned that being loved meant being good or smart or useful. So your parts stepped in to make sure you always met those expectations. They wanted to protect you from the pain of not being accepted just as you are.
But here’s the thing—when these parts take control for too long, they get tired. You might start feeling anxious, burnt out, or like you’ve lost your spark. That’s because those parts have been running your bus for years. They’ve forgotten that you, the real you, the essence that is much more solid now.
In IFS therapy, we learn to meet these parts with kindness and curiosity. We ask them how they’re feeling, why they’ve been working so hard, and what they’re afraid might happen if they stop. We don’t try to push them away—we listen and care.
And then, we help the Self—your calm, wise center—to gently take back the driver’s seat. When the Self is in charge, the other parts can relax. They don’t have to fight or protect anymore. You can just be—not because of what you do, but because of who you truly are.
So… next time you’re feeling stressed or running on empty, ask yourself:
Who’s driving my bus today?
And maybe, just maybe, it’s time to get to know who has been leading the show and if the young kid now will let its true leader take the wheel. Learn more about Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy.
